"I'm done."

While I was studying for Medical Parasitology exam just a while ago, after I tried so hard to absorb all the names of the intestinal and lumen-dwelling parasites and the diseases, I put my book down and said, "I'm done." It wasn't loud enough to be a scream, but loud enough to be heard by my sister who was in the next room. She replied with, "You've been saying that all week!"

I asked myself if I really have been.

Yes, I have.

I'm done with studying, memorizing. I don't want to be studying all my life. I don't want to memorize the life cycle of stupid parasites that cause diarrhea or ulcers. But I realized that all of these, these are exactly what I'm going to have to do if I continue on this career path I chose. Frankly, it's not very appealing right now.

I'm just done with everything. I just want to read, but I can't even do that, because I have to study, so I can pass, and not get kicked out of university. Have.  I can't wait until that time when I can do actually something I don't have to do, but want to do. Like reading, or travelling, or getting out of this country. I don't want to be tied down to something, not to a career, not to a place, not to a person. I want to do what I want, not what people want me, or expect me to do. 

It's stupid how I'm just realizing this now. Maybe if our country had adapted that K-12 system of education years and years and years ago, I wouldn't be having this problem, because I would only be a high school senior right now. Instead, I'm an 18 year old college junior.


Post a Comment